People often have everyday preferences they want those close to them to understand: a hope that the house stays welcoming, a preference for a simple gathering, or a wish that a garden keeps being enjoyed. Writing these down can reduce guesswork and open a useful conversation.
Write about the experience you value
Start with ‘I enjoy…’, ‘It helps me when…’ or ‘I hope people remember…’. This keeps the note focused on values and preferences rather than sounding like a set of orders. Be specific enough to be useful, but leave room for real life.
Use a simple structure
Name the area of life, describe the preference, explain why it matters, and say who might find the note helpful. For example: ‘I enjoy family lunches that are informal and unhurried. The food does not need to be elaborate; the conversation is what matters to me.’
Talk about it while you can
A note is easier to understand when it follows a conversation. Share it with the people you trust, invite questions and update it if your priorities change. Do not assume a note will communicate every nuance on its own.
Know the boundary between wishes and authority
Everyday notes do not replace a will, an enduring power of attorney, health-care planning or other legal documents. In New Zealand, a will and an EPA have different legal purposes. If you need decisions to be legally effective, use the correct process and get qualified advice for your circumstances.
Keep sensitive information secure
A values note should not contain passwords, bank details, identity numbers or confidential medical information. Keep these separate and use an appropriate secure method for any information that must be accessible later.
Frequently asked questions
What are everyday wishes?
They are personal preferences about routines, atmosphere, relationships or meaningful things, expressed in plain language.
Can I change my note?
Yes. Date it and revise it whenever your priorities or circumstances change.
Does it replace a will?
No. A will is the document for legally effective estate instructions.
Does it give someone authority to decide for me?
No. Authority for care or property decisions requires the appropriate legal arrangement.
Who should see it?
Share it with people you trust who may benefit from understanding your preferences.
What should I leave out?
Leave out passwords, account access details and other sensitive information.
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